joy

i feel happy and a bit sad at the same time
i feel beautiful and subtle and broke at some place
and as if i'm living a perfect life i could ever imagine before

but everything is so relative and that is beautiful
still frightened about the future
and excited at the same time
trying to embrace my life, myself, all the pain and feelings i approuve

took a big dose of md two days before, was high for 15 hrs and still feel weird
as if smth was different about myself
and everything goes right just in the right time at the right place
anthony answered and i was reading jim morrison poetry
and it just makes so much sense
and i feel so present

diane is talking to her girlfriend on skype
and spending all of her time with her h24
such a lesbian thing
and i'm so aware of how i got over it
and how i just don't want to be a part of some one this way
how wrong of the idea it was for myself
good experience but wrong answer for now

woke up at 11am today lol
went to school
then worked till 7pm with my classmates
then went to a parapharmacy
and then Philipp came to pick up his book and we drank a beer and then
went to a bar just downstairs and talked and talked to a barman
and i just liked it this way
and again i'm super sad he's leaving Paris in two weeks
this time a will feel lonely without him.
not much people i wanna see. i'm already sad

wondering about how much of a difference there is between men and women
apparently there is one and i find this really stupid
i just want everything to be real and fair and nice
just nice, you know

i smile because i want to
you smile because you want to

was doing my yoga first time for 5 days maybe
and it felt like sort of a meditation. i like it so much
it doesnt demand you much of an effort
you just enjoy every move, you just try to feel it to the core
elonging your body, twisting it and just enjoying the feeling
this feels just right and beautiful

life is beautiful, you just have to struggle to see it this way

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нй резолюшн - научиться гармонии и спокойствию.
оказалось что ничего больше не важно. всё у меня есть, всё, что хотела. а легче не становится
пускай стресс останется в 2015, а с 2016ым придут внутренний баланс и гармония.

с Новым годом, мир!
и тебе того же: любви, гармонии, спокойствия.
всё будет хорошо

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this is allll very weird and surreal
what the fuck happened lol

мне кажется, у меня странная жизнь. всё для меня странно.
но мне нравится.

сдам проект и займусь своим психическим здоровьем.
надо слушать других, реально, да я и сама понимаю, что завела сеbя в полный пиздец. еле справляюсь с соbой. пиздит, просто космос.
нельзя так. но у меня просто не получается иначе или я не знаю, как это изменить. в оbщем, надо стать счастливой.
похуй, как. восстановить психику.

weirdly
at this moment
the more I learn about art, the more I belive in it

It's like I'm only strarting to understand what it actually is

life goal change plan
new life goal imposed : having fun fun